Landon Donovan's Nipple Returns From Failed Trial With Bayer Leverkusen

LOS ANGELES - Landon Donovan's nipple, Shalomar, recently returned from a trial with Bayer Leverkusen after failing to obtain a contract.

Landon, Shalomar and family in happier times.

Landon, Shalomar and family in happier times.

"I thought that I would have a chance of breaking into the lineup, but honestly I just missed home too much," stated Shalomar Donovan after nestling back onto the chest of Landon Donovan. "It really was a blessing in disguise that I didn't make the team, because I wasn't ready to leave the safe and well manicured confines of Landon's chest."

With Shalomar Donovan out of the running for Leverkusen, Landon Donovan stated that he would work on seeing if left nipple, Blaze Donovan, would want to try its hand at playing for the San Jose Earthquakes. 

"Someone's got to make some money and keep the Donovan name in the public," stated Landon Donovan to his right nipple on Wednesday afternoon. "These selfies aren't making any of us money if we don't capitalize on our fame when they happen."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Blaze tries some bleach peroxide as an homage to Landon's early days.