NEW YORK - While many are excited for the first installment of the New York derby, Major League Soccer (MLS) sociology professor Jacob Redlish has his own reason to be interested in the game. The Nutmeg News spoke with Professor Redlish at his office on the campus of New York University.
"This game highlights the smoldering detente between the rich (Red Bull New York) and the super rich (New York City FC). Between the two ownership groups we are speaking of a command of combined assets that approach half a trillion dollars or more. Now granted, Major League Soccer and the ownership groups within made it nearly impossible to spend even 1% of the ownership groups wealth on the team, but even with these financial restrictions the command and destruction of the others assets are paramount to continue the underground war that exists between billionaires within sports."
Professor Redlish stated, as well, that the interests of the fans are subservient to the overarching interests that the two companies exert upon their franchises. "City Financial Group and Red Bull are both here to compete on a physical, a metaphysical, and an ethereal plane against each other. Both are in competition with regards to which organization has the least crappiest team in North America's second largest soccer league. These two organizations exist on a different plane than nearly any other sporting group in the United States. And I'm not using metaphors there, they actually have purchased branded soccer teams in the 5th dimension outside space and time."
TNN asked Professor Redlish about the clash between the fans and what this game might mean to the two groups.
"What we have here is the classic clash between the Bronx, Brooklyn, Bed-Stuy, Jersey, Queens, and certain parts of Wall Street where the fans of both teams commute in to work at the Fedex affiliated shipping spot. It's the battle of 82nd street and 133rd ave versus 110th street and 66th ave. It will be complete chaos. Commuters will be feasting on the entrails of Halal carts, rivers will run with the blood of Sriracha. The Caracas Arepa Bar in Williamsburg will be forced to finally pick a side before being overrun by a collection of proto-punk NYC firm members from the Borough Boys who demand their fealty. We may.... MAY devolve into a hunter gatherer society bent upon subsistence on street meat and ornate trinkets from stalls on Canal Street. I, personally, am stocking up on bottled water, ammunition, seeds, cider, coupons for Chinese takeout, and maps of Central Park that I can sell to unwitting tourists for a haypenny."
The Nutmeg News will continue our investigation to the total collapse of New York City through the medium of soccer as it happens.